my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
