I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
