Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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