oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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