I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
