last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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