Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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