the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
