It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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