when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
