holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
