What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
