After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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