This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
