I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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