Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
