Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
