Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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