This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
