Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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