so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
