he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
