Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
