Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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