Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
