He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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