Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
