so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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