so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
