i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
