he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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