I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
