I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
