He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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