Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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