I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Found your dick twin last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
