Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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