he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
