In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
