Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
