I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
