your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
