I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I will die if light touches me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
