Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
