It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
