i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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