Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
