Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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