just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
