More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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