Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
