There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
