marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
