Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My vagina just recognized that song.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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