The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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