You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
