then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
