u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
