...so i touched it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.