Screwed.edu
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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