I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
