You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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