did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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