when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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