I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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