Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize