I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
