You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
