I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
