Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
