He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
