listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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