I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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