I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I AM VODKA MAN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
