I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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