I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
