we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's the barista slut.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
