i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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