my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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