I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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